Three Buffalo college students go down to Mexico for spring break,spend the entire time drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did all week.

> The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, 'I am from Canisius College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.' They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

> The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words,'I am from the UB School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.' They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.

> The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, 'Well, I'm from Buff State and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell you right now, you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.'

>

> THE CHEEKTOWAGA EYE EXAM

>

> This kid from Cheetowaga turns 16 and goes to the NY State Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a permit. He is told he has to take an eye test. The examiner shows him a card with the letters: C Z J W I X N O S T A C Z 'Can you read this?' the examiner asks. 'Read it?' the young man replies, 'He's my uncle.'

>

> NEWLYWEDS

>

> Three newly-married men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.

> The first man had married a woman from Nashville and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.

> The second man had married a woman from Miami . He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

> The third man married a girl from Buffalo . He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye; enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and telephone a landscaper.

>

>>

> AND THEN GOD CREATED...

>

> Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven , God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, 'Where have you been?' God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look, Michael. Look what I've created.' Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?' 'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put Life on it and I call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.' 'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. 'For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant. I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot while this one will be very cold and covered with ice.' The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass and said, 'What's that one?' 'Ah,' said God. 'That's Erie County, the most glorious place on

earth. There will be beautiful hills, grasslands, farms, streams, abundant wild game and birds, rolling hills and woodlands. The people from Erie County are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will build a beautiful city with great architecture. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.' Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed, 'What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!!!'

> God replied wisely, 'Wait until you see the idiots I put in their county legislature!'

>

>> THE REPORTER

>

> Two boys from Buffalo, NY are playing street hockey when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid pit bull. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his hockey stick, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck.

> A Buffalo News reporter hears about the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. 'Young Sabres Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,' he starts writing in his notebook.

> 'But I'm not a Buffalo Sabres fan,' the young hero replies.'Sorry,' replied the reporter, 'since we're in Buffalo, I just

assumed you were.' 'Bills Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack,' the reporter continues in his notebook.

> 'But I'm not a Buffalo Bills fan, either,' the boy responds.'I just thought everyone in Buffalo was either a Sabres or a Bill's fan,'replied the reporter, 'Whom do you root for?' 'I'm a Toronto Maple Leaf fan,' the boy answers proudly.

> The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, 'Little Canadian Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet.'

>

> THE ERIE COUNTY CORONER

>

> Three dead bodies turn up at the Erie County morgue, all with very big smiles on their faces. The medical examiner calls the police to tell them what has happened. 'First body. M &T bank executive, 60, died of heart failure in the Hyatt while in bed with his mistress, hence the enormous smile,' says the Coroner. 'Second body. South Buffalo cab driver, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whiskey; died of alcohol poisoning; hence the smile, sir.' The detective asked, 'What about the third body?' 'Ah,' says the Coroner, 'this is the most unusual one. Common Council member, age 45, struck by lightning.' 'Why is he smiling, then?' asks the Inspector. 'Thought he was having his picture taken.'

>

> LOST IN A BLIZZARD

>

> A UB student from downstate got lost in her car in a Buffalo blizzard. She remembered what her dad had once told her: 'If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snowplow and follow it.' Pretty soon a snowplow came by and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about 45 minutes. Finally the driver of the snowplow got out and asked what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her that if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, 'Well, I'm through with the Wegman's lot now you can follow me over to Tops.'