Herman Cain Calls It Quits

[Mindcrime]

CONCORD, NH (The Borowitz Report) – Herman Cain withdrew from the Republican presidential race today, a move that resulted in millions of pro-adultery voters shifting their support to former House Speaker Newt Gingrich.

The shift in support is significant because pro-adultery voters represent the single largest voting bloc in the Republican Party, experts say.

Tracy Klugian, a prominent adulterer from Concord, New Hampshire, said he was sorry to see Mr. Cain leave the race “because he was very committed to the one issue I care about: namely, adultery.”

But he added that he had been in touch with many other adulterers in the state and that they were all switching to Mr. Gingrich.

“Even when we were supporting Cain, a lot of us were supporting Gingrich behind his back,” the adulterer said. “I guess that’s how we do.”

And then there were 3...

[ILOVEDNY]

I still count 7.

[Mindcrime]

I still count 7.

Yeah, Santorum and Huntsman are gonna break out any second now...

[Mindcrime]

Cain's first post-withdrawl interview

[ILOVEDNY]

Yeah, Santorum and Huntsman are gonna break out any second now...

That's what they thought about Newt 4 weeks ago.

BTW.
Did you know Mike Huntsman speaks every language but Greek?

[Mindcrime]

That's what they thought about Newt 4 weeks ago.

BTW.
Did you know Mike Huntsman speaks every language but Greek?

Mike Huntsman is the smartest guy on that stage, which explains why he's getting zero attention for Republicans. Enjoy picking over the scraps.

[Linda_D]

"Pro-adultery voters"??? Really? That was Cain's "constituency"??? ROTFLMAO!!!

Is the "Borowitz Report" really The Onion?

[Mindcrime]

"Pro-adultery voters"??? Really? That was Cain's "constituency"??? ROTFLMAO!!!

Is the "Borowitz Report" really The Onion?

Borowitz is a satirical author, in the spirit of The Onion. But unlike the Onion, his work often is funny and strikes home because it's also true.

[ILOVEDNY]

Borowitz is a satirical author, in the spirit of The Onion. But unlike the Onion, his work often is funny and strikes home because it's also true.

This coming from one who use to source "The Onion" to back up her bogus claims.

[ILOVEDNY]

Mike Huntsman is the smartest guy on that stage, which explains why he's getting zero attention for Republicans. Enjoy picking over the scraps.

I can understand your fascination with Huntsman.
Afterall, he does speak fluent libtard.

[Frank Broughton]

I can understand your fascination with Huntsman.
Afterall, he does speak fluent libtard.

lol!!!

[Mindcrime]

This coming from one who use to source "The Onion" to back up her bogus claims.

Do you ever get tired of being wrong?

I used them to highlight how ludicrous something was. I never sourced them as a media outlet.

[Mindcrime]

I can understand your fascination with Huntsman.
Afterall, he does speak fluent libtard.

And I understand your fascination for a group of candidates who amount to little more than the April Fool's episode of "The Apprentice," but with far less actual knowledge. Don't pinch your nose too hard next November.

[Linda_D]

Borowitz is a satirical author, in the spirit of The Onion. But unlike the Onion, his work often is funny and strikes home because it's also true.

I wasn't quite sure if this was sarcasm or not. Jimmy Buffett and Amy Lee wrote a song about the Pubbie candidates running for POTUS in 2012: Fruitcakes.

[mikenold]

And I understand your fascination for a group of candidates who amount to little more than the April Fool's episode of "The Apprentice," but with far less actual knowledge. Don't pinch your nose too hard next November.

Republicans stupid, Obama God! How very typical of the progressive, nose in the air, some are fairer than other liberals!