OT: Top 50 Charles Barkley Quotes....very funny

[leftWNYbecauseofBS]

From another MB I read.


Thank you sir Charles:

Top 50 Charles Barkley Quotes

50. "I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the
Klan."


49. "You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the
best-looking guy in the world and I might be right."


48. "I don't hate anyone, at least not for more than 48 minutes,
barring overtime."


47. "We better not be doing the Bulls this year. Man, they suck!
Bunch of high school kids with $70 million contracts. Damn! I hate my
mother for having me too soon."


46. "You can talk without saying a thing. I don't ever want to
be that type of person."


45. After retiring from basketball "I'm just what America needs
another unemployed black man.


44. Ernie: "Did they recognize you in South Dakota ?"
Charles: "Yes, they did. It was easy because I was the only
black person there. When they see me walking down the street they say
'There he goes again'. And when I come back the next year they say 'He's
back yawl!'"


43. Right after Peja won the 3-point contest: "Kenny said it was
going to be an all-international night. I want to know which
international brother is going to win the slam dunk contest."



42. On the Enron scandal investigation: "Almost all those
politicians took money from Enron, and there they are holding hearings.
That's like O.J. Simpson getting in the Rae Carruth jury pool."


41. "I had to explain to my daughter why that skank Monica
Lewinski has an hour special on HBO this weekend."


40. Ernie: " Auburn is a pretty good school. To graduate from
there I suppose you really need to work hard and put forth maximum
effort."
Charles: "20 pts and 10 rebounds will get you through also!"


39. "Every time I think about changing a diaper, I run a little
bit harder and a little bit faster to make sure I can afford a nanny
until my daughter's old enough to take care of that herself."


38. EJ: "Did you graduate from Auburn ?"
Charles: "No, but I have a couple people working for me who
did."


37. "*** Bavetta and Moses parted the Red Sea together."


36. Ernie Johnson, on Reggie Evans being caught grabbing the
rocks of Chris Kaman: "(Reggie Evans) got caught with his hand in the
cookie jar."Charles Barkley: "Ernie, I don't know where you get your
cookies at but the rest of us don't get ours there."


35. On his 17-year old daughter not dating yet: "Thank goodness.
I just hope she doesn't start before I go in the Hall of Fame. That way,
I won't have to kill anybody before I get inducted."


14. Kenny: "There's guys who go over to Europe and play overseas
from America , and they dominate!"
Charles: "Those are called 'brothers'


33. After Wang has a shot blocked: "He's got to bring something
stronger than that. That's like bringing milk to a bar, it's not strong
enough"


32. Barkley on Turner Sports office having a betting pool on his
weight: "That is starting to hurt my feelings. I don't mind skinny
people making fun of me, we all do that, but I don't want fat people
making fun of me."


31. "We are in the business of kicking butt and business is
very, very good."


30. When the Dream Team was about to play the Angola national
team, during pre-game interviews the other USA players provided
diplomatic, face saving comments about how they would play hard and felt
strongly they would win. When Chuck was asked about Angola and the game,
he replied: "They're in a lot of trouble."


29. Charles Barkley on his thoughts about retiring before the
season: "I remember sitting down with the Rockets and saying, 'Yeah. I'm
going to retire.' They said, 'Well, we'll give you $9 million.' And I
said, 'You got a pen on you?'"


28. Man, everything gets blamed on the Clintons , every single
thing in this world. I think Bill Clinton shot JFK, too.


27. "I know why his name is DMX. Because his real name is Earl.
Imagine if his name was Earl the rapper."


26. "If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great
personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't
play a lick. Same thing."


25. After Kevin Garnett threw a ball into the crowd out of
frustration and was ejected. They showed footage of the man that got hit
by the ball being taken away in a stretcher and his daughter was crying.
Charles commented that players take passes to the face all the time. He
topped it off by saying: "You know why that little girl's crying? It's
because she's thinking 'my daddy's a wussy'".


24. Barkley on Ernie Johnson and Kenny Smith eating a box of hot
Krispy Kreme donuts in front of him: "Both of y'all are2 going to hell
for that. Y'all are going to hell with a first-class ticket. Is that how
you treat your partner? Krispy Kreme might be the greatest invention in
the history of civilization when they're hot. Y'all are cruel man."


23. "It's kinda great to see the Celtics doin well again cuz
that was so much fun in my day to go to the Boston Garden and they spit
at you and throw things at you and talk about your mom. It sounds like
dinner at Kenny Smith's house."


22. "I think that the team that wins game five will win the
series. Unless we lose game five."


21. Charles Barkley after seeing a picture of Sam Cassell on the
screen: "Phone home." And later he remarks to Kenny, "Sam Cassell is a
good guy, but he's not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime
soon."


20. While watching someone in Australia put $1 million worth of
rubies on a table: "Damn, must not be any black folks in Australia . You
can't just leave $1 million worth of jewelry lying around the 'hood."


19. Asked if he had ever been in the governor's office in
Montgomery , Barkley said no. "They don't let many black people in the
governor's mansion in Alabama ," he said, "unless they're cleaning."


18. On the goal of the '92 Olympic Dream Team when playing
Panama in the Tournament of the Americas : "To get the Canal back."


17. To Kenny: "Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cuz you were too
close, kissin his!"


16. Barkley on Hanno Mottola, who, as EJ remarked "is the first
NBA player from Finland ". Charles replies: "Of course he is the first
NBA player from Finland , he's the only person in Finland ."


15. On supersized Oliver Miller: "You can't even jump high
enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it."


14. "All I know is, as long as I led the Southeastern Conference
in scoring, my grades would be fine."


13. On North Carolina missing 22 of its last 23 shots in losing
to Georgetown in the NCAA tournament last weekend: "Stevie Wonder could
make one of 23 shots."


12. I'd never buy my girl a watch... she's already got a clock
over the stove.


11. "I always laugh when people ask me about rebounding
techniques. I've got a technique. It's called just go get the damn
ball."


10. On the Portland Trail Blazers (back when they were known as
the Jail Blazers) serving Thanksgiving meals: "In between arrests they
do community service."


9. "Yeah Ernie, its called defense, I mean I wouldn't know
anything about it personally but I've heard about it through the
grapevine.


8. "Well, when I went off to college, the guys I used to hang
with were pumping gas and voting Democrat. Today they're still pumping
gas and voting Democrat. Guess the Democrats didn't do much for them."


7. "When I was recruited at Auburn [university], they took me to
a strip joint. When I saw those titties on Buffy, I knew that Auburn met
my academic requirements."


6. "Hey Stanley , you could be a great player if you learned
just two words: I'm full."-- Barkley yelling to 300-plus-pound Houston
Rockets teammate Stanley Roberts


5. "I heard Tonya Harding is calling herself the Charles Barkley
of figure skating. I was going to sue her for defamation of character,
but then I realized I have no character."


4. On the All-Star Game: "Hell, there ain't but 15 black
millionaires in the whole country & half of 'em are right here in this
room."


3. On Jerry Krause still being able to keep his job as GM of the
Chicago Bulls: "Jerry Krause must have pictures of his boss's wife
having sex with a monkey."


2. After throwing a guy through a 1st floor window in a bar
Charles was in front of the judge.
Judge: "Your sanctions are community service and a fine, do you
have any regrets?"

Charles: "Yeah I regret we weren't on a higher floor"


1. After an Olympic Dream Team victory over Angola , in which
they won 116-48, Charles got into a physical altercation with a member
of Angola towards the end of the game, afterwards he says: "Somebody
hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't
eaten in a couple weeks. I thought he was going to pull a spear on me."

[BlaCkROcKDan]

Dammit that was funny....

[bigpoppapuff]

hysterically funny,lefty....thanks!!!