Parents need to learn how to say no to children

[Lee Chowaniec]

Parents need to learn how to say no to children
Another Voice / Kids in crisis – Buffalo News

Spot on!

I recently read an article in my AARP magazine. Funny how I don't remember crossing that bridge from Rolling Stone to Newsweek to AARP. It was about the mental health crisis in youth today. As a high school administrator for 37 of a 44-year career, I agreed with everything the author claimed as contributing to this mental health crisis – social media, shootings, bullying, the pandemic – but what changed over the course of my career was not kids, but parents.

Over time, we began to see adversity as the enemy for children. We wrapped them in bubble wrap so they would never experience rejection, unfairness, or hear the word "no."

Life is full of these. Denying our kids exposure to these supposed negatives did not prepare them for the reality we all face. It's ironic how love for our children actually did harm. We all fall or get knocked down in life. What teaches us the most valuable lesson is whether we learn how to get up.

That's what is missing. We need to teach kids how to get up and not do it for them. I'm not talking about abuse – that demands our immediate protection. I'm talking about adversity, i.e., not getting what we want.

I have yet to meet the 14-year-old who can afford to purchase a phone and pay the monthly charges. Parents do that and yet so many, not all, never set rules for their kids regarding them. More importantly, they do little if anything to check the activity on phones. During orientation for freshmen, I would challenge parents to explain why any young person needs a phone when they go to bed. "They need an alarm" (Walmart charges $8 for an alarm clock). Two problems occur with phones and kids at night — sleep deprivation and risky behaviors. First of all, you should decide if your kid needs a phone, and certainly you can decide whether that phone goes in your nightstand at bedtime.

The real problem is what I never experienced decades ago as a young educator or as a youth myself — the concern parents have about whether their children like them. I never doubted my parents' love for me and my siblings, but I never remember hearing or thinking that they liked me.

Stressors have always existed and always will. Schools need more help to teach kids the tools to deal with stress, including more than 20 weeks of a health course in high school. My former district mandated a full-year health course to teach students how to cope with stressors in life. But the most influential factor in helping our kids remains with parents. At those orientation meetings, I would remind those freshmen of this simple translation –when your parents say no to you, they are really saying, "I love you."

Joe Lucenti served as an administrator at Canisius High School and Akron High School and is an adjunct education professor at Canisius College.

[WNYresident]

I think quite a few kids are getting stupider the older I get.

Kids come in the shop with their parents and they are glued to their cellphones. Some adults are just as bad.

Many seem to lack basic skill sets. They call asking if we can finish up the computer they are trying to building because it's not working or they give up. I see wrong screws used in the wrong holes. Cables plugged in backwards and it took a real effort to even make that happen. They can't follow instructions that give step by step instructions on how to assemble the computer. I'm not talking children under 10. I'm talking teenagers and young adults. Do they teach wood shop in school anymore?

[yaksplat]

Too many parents are relying on school to teach their kids everything. I'm teaching my kids (10, 13 and 16) anything that I can do, that they're interested in. Middle one likes cooking and he's made us pancakes and they're all capable of making eggs and any other simple things. They're all helping build an addition on our house and learning basic carpentry. I'll be teaching them how to wire a house next month. They'll be pulling wire every which way. Nothing dangerous, just grunt work.

They all have money in the "Dad Bank" that they have to keep track of in a spread sheet. All deposits and withdrawals are on there.

I won't be raising useless kids that are unable to take care of themselves.

[gorja]

What about the parents that allow theor children to self-identify as a cat?
Eating out of animal food dishes. Purring and nestling up to people like a cat.
SOme are asking for litter boxes

If my son would have ever came home and told me that he self-identified as a cat, he'd have been at the psyche center.
Coddle, coddle, coddle. That's all these parents do. Allowing these young, young children to decide for themselves at that tender age what gender they are is totally ridiculous too.

[gorja]

Too many parents are relying on school to teach their kids everything. I'm teaching my kids (10, 13 and 16) anything that I can do, that they're interested in. Middle one likes cooking and he's made us pancakes and they're all capable of making eggs and any other simple things. They're all helping build an addition on our house and learning basic carpentry. I'll be teaching them how to wire a house next month. They'll be pulling wire every which way. Nothing dangerous, just grunt work.

They all have money in the "Dad Bank" that they have to keep track of in a spread sheet. All deposits and withdrawals are on there.

I won't be raising useless kids that are unable to take care of themselves.

Great job, yak