Ahhhhh! Yes!!! Is that the sound of logic and common sense I hear? Why, yes! It is!!!Originally Posted by Surfing USA
"Uh, er, ah, please forgive me Fadder, for I had sinned an' I ain't confessed in a few years and I done some bad things, you know?"
"What are your sins, my son?"
"Ah, I gone an' killed a few dozen snitches to the Feds, threw some bodies in da river, burned my Grandma's house to da ground wit her in da house cus she called me "fat meatball," I skimmed a few hundred thou off da boss an' I done committed adultery a few dozen times on my huge beast of a wife. Can I be forgiven, Fadder?"
"Of course you can, my son. Those murders you committed? Burning your grandmother's house down? Why, those were just simple mistakes. As humans, it is in our nature to error, that is why we must learn at God's feet. Just say ten Hail Marys and slip the usual thousand bucks under the door and all will be forgiven, Dominic, er, my son. "
"Tanks a lot, fadder. God bless you. Gotta go an' break some guy's bones. He owes da boss money. You have a good day now, fadder!"
"And you too, my son. May the lord light your path!"
AND-
"Yo, Reverend James? Can I be forgiven for killin' that fool that tried to cap my boy the other night?"
"Murder is a sin, my son."
"I don't give a S@&T bout no murder! I done gots to get respect, Rev! Now is you gonna fogive me, or do I gots to cap YO a-s, Rev?!"
"You are forgiven my son. My God go with you."
"Sheoot, my nine mil is goin' with me, Rev! You'd better done pray for dem fools that done scammed me out $10K in that drug deal! I's gonna plant their behinds in the ground, Rev!!!"
And being Jewish, I won't play favorites with racial stereotypes and criminals:
"Please, Rabbi! Forgive me for I have sinned! I embezzled money from my boss and slept with his wife!"
"Is your bosses's wife pretty?"
"What does my bosses's wife have to do with embezzlilng money from my boss, Rabbi?"
"I don't know. Maybe I'd like to meet her you putz! Now give that money you embezzled to a good charity!"
"What charity, Rabbi?"
"Me, you schmuck!!"
Or how about criminal Arabs confessing their sins?
"Please forgive me O' great mullah! For I, Mustafah
have done things most unholy and have shamed my family!! What will allah do to me, O' great mullah?!"
"If Allah is in good mood, he will show you mercy, you worthless dog! And stop having relations with my goat, Mustafah, you desert peeg!!!"
"Yes, great mullah!! I obey!!!"