Reply With QuoteI think it's time for a new church.
That kind of pettiness speaks to the hearts of its members, and ultimately to the teaching from the pulpit.
Grudges and Gossip (and Social Networking Backlash) Among Church Members
The church I attend has a long history of cattiness, gossip and conflict among church members, and sometimes even among church staff. Sure, I'm told that "churches are made up of people" and "there will always be conflict among people" but I still think that church should be a place where conflict is non-existent or at least kept to a minimum.
Furthermore, many of our church members signed up for Facebook over the past few years and eventually had all members on their "friends" lists. This started out as a good thing because it seemed to make all church members feel more "connected" and they could share updates on meetings, etc.
Recently however, with all the grudges and gossip, a "de-friend" or "block-your-wall" movement among church members apparently has ensued...
Case in point, I recently saw another church member out shopping. I had known this person for a long time at church and we had been in several discussion groups together and even shared some personal struggle stories. This person, silly enough, had also been one of my "Facebook friends." At the store, I made small talk regarding how I had recently seen another church member out shopping and that person told me she had left our church because of interpersonal conflicts. I also mentioned how upset I was by the recent ousting of another church staff member whom I and my family very much liked. I told this person, "Gee for a church we sure have a lot of grudges and gossip. That's a shame..."
The church member was pleasant to me while speaking at the store, but one of the next times I logged into Facebook I saw that she had "de-friended" me but kept most all other church friends on her list. (I don't know if this was before or after our store conversation.) That wasn't the first time I had seen a church member passive-aggressively "de-friend" me and I wasn't sure what to make of it.
Now mind you, I never did anything outright RUDE to any of the people from my church. Sure, the lady at the store might have been upset by my comment about "grudges and gossip" but if that's what made her de-friend me then it seems like poetic justice on both ends.
As for Facebook, I don't post pictures of myself nude, smoking crack or burning crosses so I have no idea what I could be doing to offend them. (I basically just post funny status updates about every day life or what I'm cooking that day or maybe show some pictures of my kids.) So these peoples' conscious decisions to "de-friend" me were based on something I did to offend them or put them off... Yet it also makes me wonder if their decisions to "de-friend" me were perhaps based on gossip that could be going around about yours truly?
So what do you all make of this? Do you think that churches should be mostly free of grudges, gossip and conflict or do we just have to take it? Do you think that being "friends" with people outside of church (online or in person) leads to backlash?
Also, do you think I should maybe try switching churches myself or maybe just "visiting" other churches once in a while? I don't go to church for grudges and gossip and to be made uncomfortable and self-conscious. I would prefer a place where I could grow and study Biblical and spiritual principles with open-minded people and not be caught up in the drama.
I'm just here to make people laugh. And to confuse people. Oh, and to irritate people.
I think it's time for a new church.
That kind of pettiness speaks to the hearts of its members, and ultimately to the teaching from the pulpit.
1 Corinthians 13:1 "If I speak in the languages of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal."
You can't call yourself a good christian until you've performed at least two of those activities, or so I'm told.I don't post pictures of myself nude, smoking crack or burning crosses
Most of all I like bulldozers and dirt
I am thinking of maybe trying a new church, and actually I think I may start going to a "megachurch" believe it or not. That is because megachurches are easy to go to and just be anonymous and listen to the message and not get caught up in the petty interpersonal squabbles.Originally Posted by Bannister
I might try the Chapel at Crosspointe. I've seen some of the young pastor's videos online and he seems to have an "applying Biblical principles to every day life" kind of theme.
The pastors at our current church ARE great though, so it's not them causing the trouble-- it's the gossipy church members. We have some relatively new pastors and they are actually very sweet and down to earth. (Plus the one pastor looks just like Conan O'Brien's sidekick Andy Richter).
But these interpersonal squabbles existed even before the new pastors came on board...
Last edited by Achbek1; June 9th, 2011 at 10:58 PM.
I'm just here to make people laugh. And to confuse people. Oh, and to irritate people.
Or a politicianYou can't call yourself a good christian until you've performed at least two of those activities, or so I'm told.
if you feel uncomfortable at church it is for one of two reasons either the sermons hit home to well If that is the case stay or the people do not gt the message and strive to look better then the next person, the holier then thou attitudes or class warfare do not belong in church, I went through the same thing about 30 years ago and started going to different churches every Sunday until I found one that was not only welcoming but had belief's close to my own. and yes it was a big church .the tabernacle in orchard park . Tommy Reid might be seventy now but he still is one of the best teaching pastors around
One good thing about growing old is your secrets are safe with your friends they can't remember them either
Thanks Grandpa Bob.
A few weeks ago, I returned to Sunday School class after staying away for a while. The class opened with the class leader talking about how a little boy from the church was "being such a brat that she wanted to SMACK him" because he was walking around in circles. They then started mocking this same kid because he was wearing a suit that day. "Yeah! He was the one in the SUIT! *snicker snicker*"
I was flabbergasted. The lady criticizing this kid for misbehaving (when he was just being restless and walking in circles, not really throwing things or whatnot) herself has kids who at times misbehave. (As most kids do). Furthermore, mocking this chubby little 8 year old kid for wanting to dress up and wear a suit to church was just beyond mean spirited in my opinion. They then went on to gripe about the choir director and how she would give people "her evil eye" if they were late or whatever...
And yes, when church gatherings become more about interpersonal squabbles and less about the message of God and Jesus and the Bible... then things go sour.
Oh, and this is odd but true. A few days ago I was walking into the grocery store when that same church member from Target (the one who "defriended" me on Facebook) was coming out the door across the hall when I was walking in. In my head I said, "Well now I know to not bother trying to say hi to her." When she saw me she quickly looked away! I just laughed inside. She scurried away and then as she walked out the door I saw her look over her shoulder again, like to check if it was really me, before she went off.
So folks, it has now come to certain church members "shunning" me at the grocery store! Again, when I cannot think of ANYTHING I have done wrong! I did not steal from the collection plate or have an affair or anything... So why do they shun me like a Nathaniel Hawthorne character?
All I can think is that maybe, GIVEN HOW THEY RUTHLESSLY GOSSIP AND GRIPE ABOUT SO MANY OTHER CHURCH MEMBERS, maybe there is some oddball gossip or gripe going around about me?
If so, that is crazy... and not what church should be.
I'm just here to make people laugh. And to confuse people. Oh, and to irritate people.
You can't call yourself a good christian until you've performed at least two of those activities, or so I'm told.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. No one is entitled to their own facts.
I visited that church. I went there when I started looking for a new church. You can remain anonymous or get involved. There are a lot different ministries to get involved in and more for the kids to get involved in as well. A friend of mine just joined that church and is very happy.
First Amendment rights are like muscles, if you don't exercise them they will atrophy.
Out of curiosity, why did you want to switch churches?
...If you feel comfortable saying so.
I'm just here to make people laugh. And to confuse people. Oh, and to irritate people.
What church is that... The Nativity of Desperate Housewives??
If you do leave the church to go somewhere else, I would seriously tell the pastor/minister WHY you are leaving. You probably aren't the only one seeing all this, and the clergy would probably be shocked to hear how bad their church is behaving to their own people.
For something that you've probably seen me write before, maybe even ad nauseum.
We're all sinners. Jesus shed His blood as an atonement for all sin, not just some. When God puts something in His word, He means it. It isn't up to us to change His word or add to it.
Also, every week I had to hear about how bad I am. I know I'm bad, I get that. I don't even care if I'm told I'm bad. But don't just tell me I'm bad. Tell me how to get the victory over my sin. That Jesus loves me so much that He left His throne above and humbled Himself to become man, suffered a cruel death, shed His blood to atone for my sin, conquered death and is now seated back in His throne at the Father's right hand. Give me the whole picture, not just my ugly corner.
I know that no church is perfect. It cannot be, it's made up of men (and women) and no man is perfect. But if our walk with Christ is to be like Christ i.e. perfection, then shouldn't we attend a church with this in mind?
First Amendment rights are like muscles, if you don't exercise them they will atrophy.
My husband and I did. It's actually a Biblical thing to do, see Matthew 18
First Amendment rights are like muscles, if you don't exercise them they will atrophy.
LOL! That's a good one Miles!
I have some new info that I may not be the only one from church who this lady has recently de-friended on Facebook. Some other people were asking about the same thing!
Ya gotta laugh at how this new "social networking" phenomenon allows a whole new level of slick passive-aggression. Now you can "snub" someone with a quick "click" that leaves a smarmy digital imprint rather than just huffing by the person in "real life."
I'm just here to make people laugh. And to confuse people. Oh, and to irritate people.
so she befreinded you so what. I have had times when my friend list just got to big to find anyone.I made lists for many differant things in my life but still you find people you just never talk to and remove them. some get blocked or removed just because they constantly hog my home page with things I don't really care about. I blocked my daughter inlaw because she constantly played games and sent invites every hour for some game . maybe you just got swept up in her spring cleaning of her freind list .so what it's only face book
One good thing about growing old is your secrets are safe with your friends they can't remember them either
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