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Thread: Speeding Ticket !!??

  1. #1
    Member gonerail's Avatar
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    Smile Speeding Ticket !!??

    An older lady gets pulled over for speeding ...


    Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

    Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

    Older Woman: Oh, I see.

    Officer: Can I see your license please?

    Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

    Officer: Don't have one?

    Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

    Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

    Older Woman: I can't do that.

    Officer: Why not?

    Older Woman: I stole this car.

    Officer: Stole it?

    Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

    Officer: You what?

    Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

    The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

    Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

    Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

    Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

    Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

    Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

    The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

    Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

    Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
    The o fficer is quite stunned.

    Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

    The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

    The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

    Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officer s told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

    Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!


    Don't Mess With Old Ladies


  2. #2
    Member unioncop's Avatar
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    funny
    "PAY POLICE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT"
    "WE ARE HERE TO PROTECT YOUR ASS NOT KISS IT"
    "DOWN WITH BROWN"

  3. #3
    Member wheresthesun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gonerail
    An older lady gets pulled over for speeding ...


    Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

    Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

    Older Woman: Oh, I see.

    Officer: Can I see your license please?

    Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

    Officer: Don't have one?

    Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

    Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

    Older Woman: I can't do that.

    Officer: Why not?

    Older Woman: I stole this car.

    Officer: Stole it?

    Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

    Officer: You what?

    Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

    The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

    Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

    Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

    Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

    Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

    Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

    The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

    Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

    Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
    The o fficer is quite stunned.

    Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

    The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

    The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

    Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officer s told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

    Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!


    Don't Mess With Old Ladies

    That is too good!

  4. #4
    Member
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    good one!
    First Amendment rights are like muscles, if you don't exercise them they will atrophy.

  5. #5
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    Talking Moped Mania

    One day, an extremely rich business man decides that the time has come to indulge himself. He has been working hard and making money all his life, and he rarely spends any of it on himself. So he goes out and buys the world's fastest commercial vehicle: the all-custom 2001 Chevrolet Zoom. This puppy can hit 350 mph on a straightaway and has all the trimmings. Leather, CD, Sunroof, GPS, everything. It cost him a cool $3 million.

    He decides to take it for an afternoon spin. He's just cruising around town with one arm out the window, having the time of his life, when he gets to a red light. He pulls up next to an old guy on a little moped who is already waiting at the light.

    "Now THAT'S a car," the old guy says with awe. "What on earth did that cost you?"

    "Three million," the rich guy proclaimed. "And that was a steal. This here is the world's fastest commercial vehicle."

    "You're kidding!" the old guy scoffed. "How fast?"

    "350."

    The old guy's jaw dropped. "Hey, do you mind if I take a look around inside real quick?"

    "Not at all," the rich guy said.

    The old guy leans way over and sticks his head in the window. After looking around for a few seconds, he sits back down on his moped. "That's a fine car," he said, nodding his head.

    Just then, the stoplight turned to green, and the rich guy decided to show this old man what his car is really capable of. He floors it out of the intersection, and in a few seconds he is happily cruising along at 350 mph.

    He happens to glance in his rearview mirror, and notices to his dismay a speck on the horizon that seems to be getting closer. Sure enough, the speck comes closer and closer until WHOOSH! it passes him. The rich guy just can't figure out what's going on here, so he pulls over. He sees the speck again on the horizon in front of him coming back towards him, and sure enough, WHOOSH! it passes him again. This time, though, he was prepared and got a better look at it. He could have sworn that he saw the old guy on the moped. "But that's impossible," he thought to himself.

    Once again, the thing was coming back at the rear of his car, only this time it looked like it was going to hit. And hit it did. There was a loud crash as the thing slammed into the back of the Chevy Zoom.

    The rich guy jumps out of the car and runs around to the back, where the old guy is dying on the road, pieces of his moped scattered around him.

    "Oh, my God!" the rich guy said, horrified. "Is there anything I can do?"

    "Yes," the old man responded feebly. "Before I die, I want you to unhook my suspenders from your side mirror."




    "Be who you are & say what you feel. Because those who mind, don't matter. And those that matter don't mind"

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